I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize