I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
