I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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