Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
