Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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