drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
