Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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