I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
