Your face is a jimmy john
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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