I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
