I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
