i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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