I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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