Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize