Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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