I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
