Well douche your snatch and let's go!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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