The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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