My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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