I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
