You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
