just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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