At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
