i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
