If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
