I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
