R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
