Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
