ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
