I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
