I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
