I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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