He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
The air taste purple.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
