I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize