Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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