If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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