You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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