Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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