I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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