your room smells of hookers.
And success
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
