He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
