You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize