is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
