Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize