My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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