I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize