get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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