Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
