What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
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