Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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