Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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