Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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