Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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