I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
