I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
