Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
