You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
