I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
