I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
