We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
